Friday, July 3, 2009

here i go, here i go, here i go... again

goodbye, lovely 100% image down below. it's been nice knowing you, and i sincerely hope to see you soon.

but for now, as the donations have continued rolling in, and i've now amassed $3300 in donations, i've decided, once again, to update my goal. now, to $3500.

holla!!

only $200 to go. that's nothing to worry about now. i know i can do it. between my wonderfully amazing repeated donors, my friends that i can harass and my pledged-but-yet-to-donate donors, i've got it on lock!

and to everyone who has donated thus far, i can't tell you how much i appreciate it. i know how rough financial situations are for many of you, and it just gives me such encouragement to know that you will make sacrifices for such a great cause, and to support me.

i have never really believed in myself for many things, and i've noticed that in doing this fundraising, my mindset is shifting. i think, "i can accomplish big goals, i know i can accomplish big goals". and while i have yet to form any life-changing-big-goals to accomplish, i feel that when i do, i will approach them with more confidence and self-assuredness than i've ever had.

so thank you.

and here's to $200!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

$3000 or bust!
Goal: $3,000.00
Achieved: $3,000.00

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

I DID IT!

this morning i posted a facebook status update, something along the lines of 'wouldn't it be awesome if i raised the $102.30 that i still need to get to $3000 today?'

and guess what?

i did.

*ping*

donation received... $102.30 (thanks, grace!)

if i thought wrapping my mind around $2300 raised, or $2500 raised, was difficult, $3000 is a whole new level. this means that, together, my mom and i have raised over $6000 for the seattle breast cancer three day.

in, what, 5 months?

you know what? GO US!

i've been lazy about posting in this blog. since it's been about 2 months since my last entry. there's been a lot of changes. (a big one? going on an allergy and asthma medicine combo to fight back against i guess bad allergies/inflamed lungs. i don't have asthma, but i wasn't getting enough air. and guess what? migraines during training walks are gone now! *knock on wood*)

i've been trying to be more positive, less brooding about things in general. i've been trying to breathe. zen out. mellow out. calm down. and out.

and i think i've made great strides.

also, my pedometer wasn't calibrated, so i'd been walking further distances that i'd thought. heh.

at any rate, i finding that i enjoy my 'little' walks (haven't done any 10 milers yet). i'm enjoying the smell of jasmine floating in the air on a sunny day, the pull of my dog on his leash, the giant stride of my boyfriend who slips out of earshot as i yell "hey, slow down!" the spots on my feet that once grew blisters, but now just callus. bouncing down the street in magenta sweatpants, listening to the hums and zooms and beeps and hollers of the traffic in hollywood.

i like coming home, taking off my shoes, flopping on the couch and smiling.

and when i do it again this weekend, i'll have an even bigger smile on my face, knowing that i've reached my goal of $3000.

i can't say it enough, so i'll say it again. THANK YOU to everyone who has donated. your support has meant the world to me, your donations filling my inbox in mini droves. every single one of them, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM, was special, meaningful and rewarding to me. in fact, i could probably name every single person who has donated off the top of my head (and there's been 68 of you!).

and now i can walk proud, shoulders back, head high, weight lifted.

that is... until i set another goal...

but for now, let's just revel in this.

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Day One Hundred Fourteen- 5/20/09- pings: 1 (and sometimes, that's all you need!)

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

24 weeks

from an email i received over the weekend...

Countdown: 24 Weeks


Your Training Schedule for This Week:
Monday Rest
Tuesday 3 miles Easy walking
Wednesday Rest
Thursday 3 miles Moderate walking
Friday 30 minutes Easy cross-training
Saturday 3 miles Easy walking
Sunday 3 miles Easy walking


24 weeks away?! this is insanity. for some reason, to me, you might as well be saying 'tomorrow'. maybe it's because i turn 26 in exactly one week and that feels like 30. not that there's anything wrong with 30. or 40. or 50. i'm just... like, really, shouldn't i have accomplished SOMETHING by 30?

what's that? i've got 4 more years to go? yeah. i guess if you can get a bachelor's degree in 4 years, i could try to do something in the next four years.

i'm looking forward to training. i am. i'm looking forward to having an "excuse", a reason to exercise. i'm looking forward to seeing how it changes me, inside and out.

although the multi-milers each night are sort of daunting. not because of the exertion required, but because it takes up time, and because i don't want to walk around after dark. and the "treadmill" in our apartment building's "gym" sucks. it's like the first treadmill ever made. you can make one yourself, if you'd like. just take some trash cans and lay them on their sides and then wrap garbage bags around them, forming the tread. tape a red piece of paper on your shirt for the "emergency stop" clip, and you'll have about as advanced a treadmill as our building does. and i wouldn't mind it, sincerely, if it didn't make you feel like you just got off 16 foot high roller skates when you stopped.

fundraising funds are continuing to trickle in. i'm at $2747.70. so close. SO close. i'll get there.

i just searched on the 3 day's website for training walks near me, and there is one. that sort of rocked my world a lil' bit. because so far i've just been walking with adam, franklin or alone. i haven't really thought about what it would be like to walk with OTHER people. would i have the endurance to not make a fool out of myself? how will i stack up? an intriguing question. i would say, "i'm slow because i'm almost 30!", but everyone i know who is 30 or almost 30 or 40 or 50 is waaaaay more fit than me. hell, everyone i know who is under 26 is waaaay more fit than me. what can i say. my butt likes sitting.

i guess that's enough updating for now, as it's probably of nobody's interest. i'm making progress in many of my crafty endeavors and am really wanting to sign up for reform school's home ec classes to learn how to sew. it's sort of like a hipstery club where you make (ironic?) things like flower looms and knit cacti. but still, i don't know how to thread my damn sewing machine, so hipsters or not, reform school can teach me!

that, and i'm terrified of the monster earthquake hitting los angeles sometime in the immediate future. yeah, it pretty much consumes my every waking, and sleeping thought, and is probably the reason my hands, arms and behind my ears are covered in an itchy rash. (unless it's not, and you know it's not, and you can diagnose me?!)

although as far as my "sleeping thought" goes, i did have a really, really awesome dream about eating a sandwich. (see the tag for this post...)

man. that ruled.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

i just got lost

yeah.

that's right.

i am totally quoting coldplay in my subject line.

i am in THAT kind of a mood.

aside from the fact that i'm completely losing my short term memory, can't pronounce many words correctly anymore, and can neither follow along with what i'm typing and the order in which words should appear, life is peachy.

well, sort of moldy peachy.

no donations, nada. i even put up a fake tiny url on facebook to mislead people into going to my 3-day homepage. and nothing! (side note: i can track how many people click the link. so far we're at around 11 with no donations.)

really, i'm going to stop writing because i have absolutely nothing productive to say and am just in a bad mood. and i spilled my dinner on the floor and time warner cable likes to record black screens instead of the simpsons.

on the upside, i'm liking 'big love'.

i will probably delete this tomorrow.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

closer than ever

writing in this blog has fallen to the wayside as other things (not necessarily more important things) push through.

as part of my "2009 is the year that i'm actually going to change and get myself sorted out" plan, i'm not stressing about it, and i probably won't make up the entries.

it's been slow, donation wise, but i'm getting there. yesterday was a big donation day that pushed me over $2500, which was the first fundraising goal that i'd set when i'd signed up for the walk. and it came, relatively easily, and much quicker than i thought it would. my mom and i are basically on par with one another in terms of fundraising: we're both at around $2500+. so far we've raised over $5000 for breast cancer research, treatment and awareness programs. in a matter of months.

one thing that i've been thinking about recently is the statistic that 1 in 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime. honestly, i've been (curiously and morbidly) sort of wanting to count the number of women in my facebook friends list, just because i absolutely cannot wrap my mind around that fact, and about how many wonderful women i know who will be diagnosed with breast cancer, but i think that would just be extremely depressing. i don't like that i will know a bunch of women with breast cancer in the future. i don't like that it could be me. i don't like that sick, disgusting figure. 1 in 8. how horrific is that? how many women work in your office? live on your street? are sitting in the coffee house when you get a drink?

ONE IN EIGHT.

that's 1 in 8 mothers being diagnosed with breast cancer.
1 in 8 grandmothers being diagnosed with breast cancer. 1 in 8 sisters being diagnosed with breast cancer. 1 in 8 aunts being diagnosed with breast cancer. 1 in 8 cousins being diagnosed with breast cancer. 1 in 8 best friends being diagnosed with breast cancer. 1 in 8 wives being diagnosed with breast cancer. 1 in 8 lovers being diagnosed with breast cancer.

1 IN 8 WOMEN BEING DIAGNOSED WITH BREAST CANCER.


what's more depressing is imagining all of the women that i'm friends with, and imagining them (or me) getting their diagnosis, the fear, the worry, the wondering. the vibrancy and vivaciousness with which they've been living their life is put on hold as they are slapped across the face with one of the most sobering reality checks: you have cancer. i don't want this to happen to anyone, let alone the people that i care about, the people that i've known for years and years, who i've laughed with, cried with, been a teenager with, been an "adult" with. i, selfishly, do not want to get an email in a few years that lets me know of their cancer. i do not want my heart, and their and their family's hearts, to break like that.

which is why i'm really focusing on this walk now. by raising money to teach proper prevention and self-testing methods, i can help lower that statistic. maybe it becomes 1 in 10 in the next 5 years. and then 1 in 20. and then 1 in 100. and then 1 in 1000.

and suddenly, instead of being a dread disease, it will be a disease at which the doctor says, "alright, come in next week and we'll get you fixed up, and you'll be ready to go on living your life!"

1 in 8 is not forever. 1 in 8 is not unchangeable.


1 in 8 is something that YOU can do something about.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Because

Donate because you’ve had a mammogram

Donate because you haven’t

Donate because you felt a twinge, deep in your breast and you wondered… could it be?

Donate because you went to your doctor

Donate because you didn’t

Donate because you felt a lump

Donate because you haven’t

Donate because your doctor saw something

Donate because your doctor didn’t

Donate because you waited for the results, your stomach in knots, your skin in stitches

Donate because you got your results

Donate because you fought your results

Donate because you love your breasts

Donate because you love her breasts

Donate because you love his breasts

Donate because you lost someone

Donate because you didn’t

Donate because you don’t want to be one of the 200,000

Donate because you don’t want to be one of the 40,000

Donate because you can

Donate because others can’t.


This year, 200,000 people will be diagnosed with breast cancer. 40,000 will not survive.

Whatever your impetus, please donate today. I'm only $600 away from my goal of raising $3000 for the Seattle Breast Cancer 3-Day Walk. Please, donate.


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Day Forty Seven- 3/14/09- pings: 2

Thursday, March 5, 2009

$2300

i have reached $2300 in donations!

this number is incredibly important --perhaps more so than any other-- because you must raise $2300 to participate in the walk. in 38 days, i raised $2300. that's $60 a day, on average. *pumps fists like a boxing champ*

at the back of mind, the $2300 was always lingering, like something on your to do list that you've been avoiding, and now that i'm there, i know i'm okay. i also know my initial goal of $2500 is nearby.

when i received the $150 donation that put me over the top, from one of the lawyers in our suite, i didn't even really process it. i was sick with a cold (which is now a sinus infection) and was in the office to mail some things out, and then going back home to sleep.

so i got the check, and calculated the total from my current raised amount online, plus the check donation from the day before, and this check now. $2312. 'hmm, that's nice,' i thought, in my medicated cloud. then the numbers slapped across my brain, like fat, inky characters smacking onto a typewritten page. TWO. THREE. ONE. TWO. my brain fired meanings back and forth about what those numbers mean.

it meant that i'm "allowed" to do this walk. it meant that my mom and i have both reached the participation amount.

it meant that this is real. that i'm really doing this. it meant that i'm proud of myself. it meant that i'm being supported by more people than i ever thought i would have backing me.

it meant that i'm walking for all of those names that are going to be printed on the back of my walk t-shirt. it meant that on my shoulders, on my back, i am really going to be walking in honor, memory and in support of many brave men and women who soldiered through.

have there been people dealing with breast cancer who haven't been brave? who didn't fight? who just gave in?

probably. sure.

but from all of the people who have donated, and all of the people who have given me a name to wear on the back of my shirt, not one of them has passed along a name to me with anything less than pride for that person. proud of that name, proud of what that name went through, proud that they know that person is more than just a name. more than just a statistic. more than just a number.

and that's what is astounding to me. that in this quest for "numbers", for $2300, for $3000, for the statistics that i'm learning about, for the miles i'll be walking, for the days i'll be training, amongst all these numbers emerges something much more profound. something much more human. from these numbers emerge letters.

single letters that swirl together, spin and twist, to form letters of encouragement, of love, of support, of high fives, of hugs, of congratulations, of well wishes. and behind them, in memories, the letters shared with loved ones fighting cancers. the letters shared through emails with status updates and thank you's. the letters shared written through tears of joy, and tears of despair. letters written on prayer cards, message boards, get well banners.

letters that show why i'm walking this walk, why i'm raising this money. letters that show why along the walk route, there will be supporters and cheering-on-ers to keep you going when you're not sure that you can.

letters that show that cancer, while a fact of life for more and more people, isn't an end to a life.

and with these letters on my back, taking the form of names, and with the letters on my chest, forming the name of my aunt, i will walk as proudly as the people who have been donating.

as these numbers turn into letters, the letters turn into sentences, the sentences turn into paragraphs, the paragraphs turn into tools that can make change. to help create better, stronger treatments. to encourage proper prevention and testing. to share with communities what breast cancer can do, and what we can do about breast cancer.

to create a community for change, for support, and for hope, from numbers and from letters, and from people who care.

thank you.

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Day Thirty Eight- 3/5/09- pings: 1

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

THE BIG 2000 and start/stop

once you stop, it's hard to start again. the togetherness of my last post ("hey, i'm actually posting today's entry today!") flew out the window faster than... faster than... faster than something that flies out a window real fast.

alas, i have been taking notes on donations, ideas, thoughts for the past week+ that i've been m.i.a. from this blog. i just have not been inputting them into this blog.

but i felt a catchup (ketchup?) post was in order since i have... drumroll puh-lease... reached over $2000!!!

this actually happened yesterday, but again, see paragraph one and two.

so YAY!!!! i'm over $2000! and today i received another $100 donation at work, which brings my grand total to $2162.

i can't believe i'm less than $150 away from $2300. (and $2300 is the magic number: it's how much you must raise in order to participate in the walk.)

adam and i have been doing walks through the hills of griffith park and it's been a lot of fun. i love taking franklin and watching him explore, see horses (and have his mind blown), and it's challenging-- we push ourselves to go further each walk. but the one thing that i don't know how to deal with is the migraine that ensues after the walk.

is this normal? i don't get them when we do walks on the level streets, just when we're "hiking". it's a horrible migraine and i can sense it coming on even before we've finished the walk. i've tried drinking lots and lots of water during the walk, which did nothing, and i've tried drinking lots of electrolyte gatorade-y type water, which did nothing. i really don't know what to do about this, or what it means.

at any rate, i'll try to plug in some back entries later this week, but i just want to say THANK YOU!! to everyone who has donated thus far. i seriously cannot believe how much i've raised in the little time i've been at this. it gives me immense reassurance about getting to $2300, a big sigh of relief for getting to $3000, and i really hope to hit $3000 this month. i've decided that instead of leaping forward in increments of $1000, i'll drop it down to $500. so if i reach $3000 by april, i'll up my goal to $3500.

at least i've never stopped fundraising. and i've only had 3 days of not getting a donation.

tomorrow, i think it will be donut day at work. i want to bring in some donuts and stick little toothpicks in them, upon which i've strategically placed donation cards.

mwa.

mwaha.

mwahaha.

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Day Thirty Seven- 3/4/09- pings: 1

Friday, February 20, 2009

animal style

wow! look at me! i'm actually writing today's entry... today! (far too often i'm writing them in batches. you can usually tell if the date stamp is 11:59. :oD)

lots of highlights today... i finally made it to $1500!!!!!!!!!!!! and beyond. i'm halfway there. halfway. in less than a month. now... to up my goal to $4000? i haven't tapped facebook or my office out yet. and not a day without a ping.

my sister also just got accepted to grad school at lewis and clark! yay for her!

in conclusion, i also seriously want some animal style french fries from in-n-out right now. like, crazy bad. it all started after i saw "in & out smog check" on my way home yesterday and started thinking about in-n-out... and never really stopped.

...homer drool...


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Day Twenty Five- 2/20/09- pings: 1

Thursday, February 19, 2009

harder

it's getting harder to write daily. is it really worth it?

i've been trying really hard to maintain a positive attitude about different things. whenever i am feeling grouchy or in a sour mood, i just sort of gentle cajole myself into thinking it's not that bad (because, of course, it isn't) and it's actually starting to work.

it used to be that whenever i'd wake up on the wrong side of the bed, i'd stay on that side for hours, days. now it's maybe a few hours.

so i guess, yes, it's worth it.

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Day Twenty Four- 2/19/09- pings: 1

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

lurtle?

another donation today!

...and a puppy who has completely destroyed that weird lion/turtle toy from a few days ago. i just might try to reassemble it from the shreds of fabric and fluff, because, seriously, this thing is hilariously monstrous.

it's like something that was on the drawing board for that scene in napoleon dynamite before they came up with "liger".

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Day Twenty Three- 2/18/09- pings: 1

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

old and new

i'm delighted, impressed, amazed and encouraged.

that within minutes of me posting today's daily plea on facebook for a donation, i receive one from an old high school friend.

i've had 33 people donate so far. how great is that?! 33 different, unique people that i've been able to share this journey with, been able to feel supported by.

i've got friends all over the country, all over the world. and it just makes me happy to see how many, close or not, old or new, are standing up to say "hey! i will help you!"

thank you.


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Day Twenty Two- 2/17/09- pings: 1

Monday, February 16, 2009

3 weeks in

so it's been 21 days since i started fundraising.

today my mom said she would like to raise all her money in the first month. that thought hadn't really occurred to me, but now that at offically at three weeks, it's occurring.

so far, i'm at $1397.70. less than a thousand dollars to raise, just to participate.

even if i don't raise it in a month, i really just want to continue on with the emphasis on getting a donation a day, which i've so far done quite successfully.

i still have lots of pledged donations (as in, i haven't gotten them yet) so hopefully those will be rolling in soon enough.

as it stands now, 2009 is proving to be a very change-filled year. perhaps inspired by the changing of the guard, but there are so many changes being made right now, and i'm hoping that they're permanent. there's never a better time to change than right this second, and i'm really focusing on fixing all of the things that i've let lapse over the past XX years. i've very rarely had a set-in-stone goal to work toward, like this walk, and i find that the dedication i'm giving to this walk and to my diet are influencing and encouraging me in other aspects of my life. i cannot wait to see how the rest of this year pans out.

one thing i won't change? the swooning over 'house'. back to t.v.!

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Day Twenty One- 2/16/09- pings: 1

Sunday, February 15, 2009

taboo

another ping(*)! and some more ping pledges.

i am so close to $1400, which means i'm so close to $1500.

we went on another training walk, this time upping the mileage. i love walking up canyon drive, into the park. i think it's actually griffith park. what we realized, though, is that we should really just drive to the park and go walking/hiking on the trails, because by the time you've walked the mile-plus from our apartment to the park, you don't have as much energy to get a good hiking walk in.

but, perhaps more importantly, on our walk we met a person walking a puppy who informed us that we can access the o.g. batman bat caves on our route.

um, do i hear future birthday picnic in the bat caves complete with batman theme plates, napkins, invites, etc?

yes, yes that is what i hear.

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Day Twenty- 2/15/09- pings: 1

Saturday, February 14, 2009

floppy fantasy

happy lovely love day!

well, to be honest, i've never been the biggest valentine's day fan, and i also actually really love friday the 13ths, because they always turn out to be awesome days. and yesterday didn't let me down.

a while ago, i decorated the door to my apartment with various 3-day paraphernalia, with little notes to take if you want to donate. and today, adam came home and handed me a card that was taped to the door. my first apartment donation!! woo!

also, on a completely unrelated note, ralph's was having a clearance on dog toys, and i bought franklin a toy for $2.75 (it was once $10.99). what's important about this? it's the most disturbing toy. ever. it's a "lion", who only has front legs, and an abnormally long tail, his mouth is only on half of his face (kind of two-face, kind of smirking), AND it has a brown turtle shell pattern on the fur on his back. i'm not kidding. best part? the toy style is "floppy fantasy". google "hartz floppy fantasy lion" and there is like one image in existence. you can bet i'll add some more. mwhaha.

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Day Nineteen- 2/14/09- pings: 2

Friday, February 13, 2009

one and two

i'm so weird.

i'm changing the date on this entry, which i should've written last night, but was playing apples to apples in a hotel by the airport and didn't get home until 3 am. that sounds really seedy, but i really was just playing a card game with friends, in the hotel they are staying in.

there.

so, i received one "ping" at work, but it wasn't an online donation, and therefore my phone doesn't go "ping". but i said it to myself when i received it, so i'm still counting it as a ping. should i put an asterisk by it, like it's on steroids?

i also received a second donation while playing games in the hotel, but it was at like 1 am, so technically that's saturday. really, does it matter? i'm just killing time until snl starts.

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Day Eighteen- 2/13/09- pings*: 1

Thursday, February 12, 2009

just start.

hi, could i get an earl grey tea?

-sure, what size? and do you want one tea bag or two?

(rifling through my purse, looking for my wallet, realizing that as someone who worked at a starbucks in college, i should know the answer to the question i'm about to ask) um, does that change the price?

-is your name lauren?

i look up. i recognize him immediately. mario! my old work buddy from starbucks! we hug, we catch up. he moved from the 'sc starbucks to the one in hollywood, better tips, he says. i realize i didn't tip. i usually do. i should know better.

mario, jorge and i were buds during the months of my starbucks employment. we usually wound up closing together, and would hang out long after our shifts ended talking. both went to csula, both were very funny, sweet, smart. good people. then i quit starbucks to go home for summer break, and studied in italy, and then i came back but very rarely saw them, or the starbucks.

jorge is having a kid, he tells me. my eyes widen. wait! that's not what i meant to tell you, i meant to tell you he is becoming a cop. AND he's in law school. well done, jorge, i say. jorge, mario and i would often talk about inconsistencies in america's educational system, and one of jorge's dream was to start a foundation, the name escapes me now- something like "education without limitations", something like that, anyway, a foundation that would help encourage people in poverty to pursue higher education, and to financially support them. i always thought it sound like a great idea, and i guess he's still hoping to do it. mario is still at csula, almost graduated, studying anthropology and wants to get his ph d.

do i miss usc? did i like usc? he asks. yes, and no. i liked being in school, but the general "my father has a dealership" attitude i could do without.

i do miss being in school, actually, i say. i really miss being in school. everyone around me is going back to school, and i'm not. why not? he asks. well, i wouldn't know what to go for. i don't have anything that i want to study, i've never really known what it is i want to "do". so what's the point? i've thought about taking some classes at smc, because it's close to work, they have a lot to offer, and it's a reputable place.

just go, he says, just go. who cares if you don't know what you want to study. just take a class, and if you don't like it, stop going. just start.

he's so right. for too long i've not done anything about my situation, because i don't know how i want my situation to be. but knowledge and change can't be gained by sitting and humming and huh-ing, and thinking, boy it'd sure be nice if i knew what it is i want to do. the point is to just try different things until you find something that you think you might like to do for now.
---
i did my first "training walk" today. adam, franklin and i went two miles, and then played in the park that was our one mile marker. we climbed a tree. it felt really good, walking. i felt really happy. walking is something i would like to do for now.
---
i also got three big donations today, and am now at $1300. i still can't quite believe this. i've had some incredible people with incredible stories donate, and i just feel honored.
---
i've learned a lot today. i'm learning a lot about myself, doing this. i honestly didn't think that i would. what i thought i would (or would not) learn, i'm not sure.

but i'm glad i did this. i'm glad i decided to just go, to just start.

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Day Seventeen- 2/12/09- pings: 3

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

1-0-0-0-!

that's right!!

i made it to $1000 today!

16 days, $1000 raised. that's over $60 per day in donations.

i'm proud of myself, and justifiably so, i think.

i was going to go on walk #1 today, but it was just cold and gloomy and gets dark so fast, so hopefully tomorrow i can break in my new shoes.

obviously this is just the beginning of a much longer road, and i still have to get another $1300 just to participate in the walk. and the next $2000 probably won't come as easily. but i have a lot of pledged donations, and will be following up on all of those.

thanks to everyone who has donated to me so far. your support has encouraged me more than you know!


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Day Sixteen- 2/11/09- pings: 1

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

when i feel heavy metal

today was great!

in addition to getting some amazing walking shoes from rei (even if they didn't watch how i walked, as per my mom's desire :) ), i had a successful first meal out after dieting for 5 weeks.

AND adam added a blurb about my fundraising to his movie list, which garnered my two donations today: one for $100 and one for $40!! i'm only $10 away from hitting $1000 raised.

i can't quite wrap my mind around this. almost $1000 in 15 days.

my eye is on $5000. i think i'll up my goal if i'm at $3000 in june.

all i have to say is :oD

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Day Fifteen- 2/10/09- pings: 2

Monday, February 9, 2009

hey, you

well, i did it.

a couple of things, actually.

and one thing i did not do.

i upped my goal to $3000. i'll soon be adjusting the blog descriptions accordingly. even though it's not the end of february, and even though i haven't earned $1000 yet, i was actually inspired by the phone conference this evening. i didn't really think i would be, but i felt very encouraged.

which leads me to my other thing-i-did, i participated in that phone conference. i stayed on as long as i could, about an hour and twenty minutes, but i was meeting adam and my parents (who are in town) at the majestic crest to see slumdog millionaire. adam and i had seen it already, but wanted to see it again, and i'm glad i did. even better the second time around. like sweet cold pizza. i was so anxious at the start of the film for the end, just because i like the last part of the film so much. and even with the tremendous hype, i think it still holds up very, very well. it really is just a damn fine movie.

and finally, i donated to myself. the thing-i-didn't-do was get a ping today from anyone, and since this was day 14, 2 weeks of fundraising, i didn't want to go out on a whimper, so i donated to my own worthy cause and rounded myself up to nice $850.

i've been in a really good mood lately. not sure why. perhaps a combination of reading cakewrecks, the sick new franz ferdinand box set i got (so, so wonderful), the random other stuff i've ordered online (including, finally, a pedometer that will, hopefully, actually work correctly), reconnecting with the families i babysit for, getting myself all organized for this walk with a binder and a three hole punch, mailing out "please donate to me!" cards, actually making a fundraising thermometer (and making that mercury go to $3000!) to stick up in my hallway-facing window at work, or just the general feeling of wanting to get to my fundraising goal sooner, so i can up it to $5000!

or maybe it's because i didn't have to sit in traffic on the way home. and that it's still raining.

it's the little things.

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Day Fourteen- 2/9/09- pings: 1

Sunday, February 8, 2009

whoosh

i'm pleased that i've had 13 straight days of donations. i'm up to $820 in donations, and i'm thisclose to upping my goal to $3000.

tomorrow is the hour and a half long phone conference, where we review, apparently, everything. it'll be interesting to see how heavily we'll have to rely on our pdf handbook they emailed out, cause i'm going to be in the car, in traffic, during the call (using a headset! relax!).

i'm also interested to see if they'll be asking people if they've started fundraising, and if so, how it is going. i just want to gauge what other people's goals are, because, to be honest, i'm not sure where mine fits, if it's too high or too low. all of the promo materials for the 3-day cheerily say something along the lines of most participants earn more than the $2300 required, usually on average around $3000. i think it's $3000. maybe i'm wrong. but i just kind of want to know what other people are doing. and adjust accordingly. yeah, i'm a sheep. whatever.

also, i was writing an email today, preparing to send it to 50 people, telling them about my super awesome oscar betting pool, which, had everyone participated, would have given $500 to my fundraising and $500 to the winner(s). and just as i was about to hit "send", i decided to google something like "betting pools illegal california". yeah, they're illegal. which i think i already knew. but the law turns a big ol' blind eye to the little ones in offices and stuff. of course, the bigger they get, the more likely someone will say something or something will get discovered. still, i don't think 50 people is that "big". but what i didn't know was that had i sent the email, i would've engaged in interstate gambling/something. i can't remember the technical terms. because i would've been engaging in betting across state lines, using the telephone and/or internet.

thank you, google, for saving me from possible jail time and fines. :)

(uh, and, just to be clear, i DID NOT send that email!! no oscar pools for me!!)

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Day Thirteen- 2/8/09- pings: 1

Saturday, February 7, 2009

under the wire

should i even write when i've nothing to say?

except that i've had twelve straight days of getting a donation!!

i know it's not always going to be like that, but why can't i try?

i've been talking to myself, yes, myself, and i think if i raise $1000 by the end of february (i think i was initially saying by feb 15th, but i'm pushing it back), i'm going to raise my fundraising goal to $3000. i think i could do it. i know i could do it.

upcoming fundraising plans:
-make some treats for the office for valentine's day with the tagline of "have a cookie, but give some dough"... this isn't a bake sale, just a little reminder for people to give money. (side note: i've only talked face-to-face to a few people in the office about this. i just feel sort of awkward wandering up to people and being like, "hey, how's work going? yeah? um, can you give me money?" i know i'll probably have to do this eventually...)
-oscar 50/50 pool... i was thinking $20 entry fee, $10 to me and $10 to the pot. i'd hold this amongst my friends, and also a second one at the office.

i have the first 'getting started' meeting (which is actually a phone conference) on monday, so that should be interesting. i was just thinking how annoying it was that nobody has written me back about training walks in los angeles, when i remembered that i never sent the emails asking about them. whoops.

there's still time.

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Day Twelve- 2/7/09- pings: 1

Friday, February 6, 2009

it's protective coloring

pre-dating this entry again, because i was too tired after getting home from 'coraline' to write last night.

i had finished reading the book a mere hour and a half before seeing the movie, and i think that caused some problems, because i was so upset by the end of the movie that i couldn't even speak.

and that's annoying to me, not the not speaking bit, but the being upset that the movie was different from the book bit, because i have always been of the opinion that a book and it's subsequent movie interpretation are two different pieces of work, not to be compared to one another. i think that adam was right, that i just had the book so fresh in my mind that i couldn't help but be upset by all of the very drastic changes.

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sort of spoiler alert! i hate having things spoiled for me (and it's happened twice with the harry potter series) so i am alerting you now. and doing jump cuts on blogger is obnoxiously complicated involving style sheets and the like, so this is what you get instead.
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but mostly what got my blood boiling was the inclusion of a male sidekick. in the book, coraline does just fine on her own. obviously she gets some help from the ghosties and the cat, but her ingenuity is all her own. her cleverness is all her own. and her heroism is all her own. but just as the movie is winding down, just as coraline finds herself in the most gravest of all dangers, her male sidekick comes out of nowhere, out of the blue, to save her at the last minute.

are. you. kidding. me.

i looked around the theatre at all the little kids in the movie (which, if i were 6 would probably have scared the crap out of me, they did a fabulous job of upping the terrifying factor of the other mother), and i thought, well, here is another movie that shows men will save you in the end.

through gritted teeth i explained this to adam, who "didn't get it". and i wouldn't expect him to. when you're the dominating party, you see things through that filter. i've got plenty of filters, white filter, college educated filter, vegetarian filter, etc. everything seems normal that way, when the things you see reinforce your filter. but look at it through the eyes of a little girl. a little girl who sees coraline as a hero, as smart, funny, clever, brave, strong, adventurous, and she is indeed all these things, and then at the very end, she is saved by a boy, a boy who she doesn't even like that much.

why couldn't they have given her a female sidekick? why did they have to give her a sidekick at all?

the last big scene in the book was so fun, and while sort of predictable, it highlighted coraline's transformation from uncertainty to downright unflappability. (not to mention that this scene in the movie wasn't properly set up at all and thus wasn't as spooky or dramatic.) by letting her friend save her at the end, it just becomes another one of those movies.

i'm so disappointed in animated children's movies as of late. i love pixar as much as the next person, but it really irritates me that they have yet to create a movie based around a girl. sure, jessie was a big star, but the movie was still about buzz and woody. just look at them: ratatouille, cars, bug's life, finding nemo, monster's inc, wall-e, etc etc etc. sure, they each have a female character, or a shell of one, but there is never any female title character. the girls are always sidekicks. (even though eve was pretty bad-ass.) the girls in kid's movies (and, to be honest, a lot of adult movies) are always almost an ancillary thought, thrown in to get some women to feel like they have a reason to see the movie.

so, you might say, why am i upset that the girls are usually sidekicks, but in coraline's case, her sidekick is a boy and she is the lead? because he had to save her at the end. because they couldn't let this powerful girl save herself, which she does in the book in a wonderful way. they couldn't let the girl win.

and relating this back to the walk: for centuries, as i understand it, women's medical problems were sort of swept under the rug. they weren't discussed in public, they weren't something that anybody should know about. they gave silly names to real problems, to make women feel silly for feeling that way, to make women feel stupid for feeling that way, to make women feel like it's all in their heads and that there was no real reason for feeling that way.

and now, it's 2009, and i'm talking about walking with thousands of people in one city, participating in a walk that will be taking place for weeks before and after in other cities, walking under the banner of "breast cancer". a "woman's disease". (not in actuality, but i think most people think of women first when they hear "breast cancer.)

thousands upon thousands of women, men, children, old, young, everything, will walk for miles to raise awareness, money, and support to fund prevention, research and, hopefully someday, a cure. they will don pink, they will have names for their teams involving words like "boobs", "titties", "breasts", etc. for three days, for many weeks, breasts will be at the forefront of many, many people's minds. we will celebrate the women and men we have lost, the women and men who survived and the women and men who are still fighting. we will share stories about these women and men, about our encounters with them. we will listen and we will learn, and maybe some of us will think back to 50 years ago, 100 years ago, when a woman who had a disease would've been locked up away in the attic of a house without any support, without thousands of walkers, without sincere medical attention, with nothing to do but to stare at the wallpaper.

and maybe, for once, the women can save themselves.

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Day Eleven- 2/6/09- pings: 1

Thursday, February 5, 2009

i just had to see how the chemicals taste

it's hard to write an entry every day when your life consists of:

wake up
eat
dress
drive
work
eat
drive
eat
undress
go to bed

you can be pretty certain that there are other events, like watching tv, playing with franklin, wasting hours online, and watching tv. but seriously. i have a very unbloggery lifestyle. i think my lifestyle is only suitable for blogging with those year end surveys, because i can answer things like "are you fatter than last year? richer? happier?" without having to explain that i change into pajama pants almost instantaneously upon returning home and i eat dinner on the couch. and see, that sentence is sooo not good for blogging.

they say 'write about what you know', but what i know is that schedule above. oh, although, today it was raining really hard, and as i was driving home, a branch fell from a tree and landed in front of my car. it was dark-ish and i can't really see well-ish and i totally thought a bird had just fallen from the sky and landed right in front of me. i thought it was an eagle or a phoenix or a falcon or something huge and wing-y and impressive. yeah, it was a branch, which i drove over.

and speaking of birds, yesterday i flipped the bird to a guy who pulled out of a hidden driveway and almost hit me. why did i flip the bird? because he was driving a lime green del sol. and was shirtless. seriously? people drive shirtless? at 6 pm on a wednesday night? leaving a film school parking lot? trust me, you would've given him the bird, too.

who i'm not giving the bird to? people who have donated to my fundraising!! another one today! so far, no days missed. gotta keep up this momentum so i can raise my goal to $3000.

another non-bird-getter: my dermatologist, for saying that i don't have to get stitches on my face and that i can wait for 3 months and see if the spot grows back (at which point, yes, it will have to be completely removed and stitched up), and for giving me free samples of amazing cleanser to help my poor norwegianed eczema and for offering me a free facial (is that an insult?).

also who doesn't get the bird is jet blue, for letting me go to new york in may for dirt cheap, and for franz ferdinand for having shows there, and for friends telling me about said shows!

but that naked bro in the del sol? definitely gets the bird.

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Day Ten- 2/5/09- pings: 1

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

pings and things

yes! another ping today! (thanks mom :oD)

things i am enjoying:
franz ferdinand's new album
coraline (almost done with the book... movie comes out on friday!)
wii fit

things i need to be doing:
um...
training.

this weekend!

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Day Nine- 2/4/09- pings: 1

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

it just keeps going

nothing much to say today. i am hopefully going to go on a walk this weekend and possibly get some shoes. i've made a new year's resolution to not buy anything with leather/animal skin, so i'll have to find some vegan shoes to accompany me on this adventure. does rei carry any? my adidas cross trainers, which are about 6 years old but in mint condition (and yes, i've used them, quite often), are leather-less, but i don't know if that's just because they were purchased on clearance at mervyns. fingers crossed.

and thanks to my boo for coming through with today's daily ping! that sounds like a lotto contest.

and thanks to cakewrecks for keeping me entertained, constantly. although i really, really, really want bakery cake right now.

lots of people fantasize about different lovers, or meeting a celebrity, or winning the lottery. seriously, i just want cake. *insert homer drool*

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Day Eight- 2/3/09- pings: 1

Monday, February 2, 2009

on a lighter note...

thank you, telegraph.co.uk, for showing me the most hilarious thing i've seen in a very, very long awhile.

i cried more* at this website than i did at 'titanic', 'schindler's list' and 'ghost town' (it was really sad, okay?!) combined.

http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/

(and if you don't have hours upon hours, or properly functioning tear ducts, here are some great highlights.)

for reals.

spiderman, holiday, missed marks (toward the end, but make sure you see the dr. seuss catastrophe)... all so wonderful.

*tears of laughter. you don't think i'd really compare 'schindler's list' to bakery cakes, do you?

and, i'm at 25% raised toward my fundraising goal!! thank you to everyone who has donated. and also, officially one week since i started fundraising, and i've gotten at least one donation a day. woo!

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Day Seven- 2/2/09- pings: 1

Sunday, February 1, 2009

the bigger picture

the bigger picture is that music doesn't matter. at least, not for this.

the bigger picture is why i'm walking, why we're walking. the bigger picture can sometimes be lost amongst the little things.

i bounced around on the message boards today, and found out that you can use mini speakers around your neck on the walk, since you aren't allowed to have headphones.

for a split second, i thought "yes!" and then i stopped. how selfish am i? how wrong am i? i'm worried about not listening to music for 3 days? i'm worried about getting bored, uninspired, when i'm surrounded by thousands of strong people, thousands of survivors, fighters, memories, supporters? how mistaken am i.

when adam found a mole on my shoulder, a mole that hurt like a bruise, a mole that had never been there before...a mole that the dermatologist biopsied after a single glance, and upon receiving the results, called me back and said i needed to come in immediately, instantly, to have it completely removed and stitched up...that it was pre-cancerous...that we caught it in time...and as i was in "surgery" went out to the lobby to thank adam for saving my life...was i worried about not being able to listen to music for three days?

no. i was worried about lots of things, pain, cost, health, and how stupid i was to have skimped on sunscreen my whole life. but what i wasn't worried about was my ipod. my mole and the scar i bear from it denote my brush with cancer. there are so many more people who have been swept away by cancer. and i am complaining about not being able to listen to music.

i could've deleted the last entry. i could've justified it. but i really, really want this blog to show the ups and downs, the honesty, of someone doing this walk for the first time. i'm not trying to be self-righteous, i'm just trying to be honest.

and while i'm glad that on the walk i can indeed listen to music, or make my way through the harry potter books, i think that maybe instead i'll be listening to the people around me.

because that's what i'm there for.

honest.

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Day Six- 2/1/09- pings: 1

Saturday, January 31, 2009

let's pretend it's still yesterday

because i forgot to write. i'm pre-dating this entry. because i have to.

i received my walker packet in the mail. it was inspirational, it was encouraging, it came with lots of fun things to play with.

but

um

the walker handbook says that you cannot listen to headphones on your walk. that you shouldn't bring your cell phone/ipod because there are no charging stations.

um

what??

i had lofty plans of transferring a bunch of books on cd to my ipod and listening to them on the walk. i had lofty plans of, in my darkest most tired hour, being able to slap on some franz, muse, girl talk...anything.

no music?? no books to listen to?? no encouraging text messages?? what is this, 1994?

this will, perhaps, be my first challenge on the walk!!

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Day Five- 1/31/09- pings: 1




Friday, January 30, 2009

everybody lies & quad toms

i've been sitting at home tonight, nursing body aches, a stomachache, headache, chills and sore throat. i'm getting through it with 'drumline' (the movie, yes, i was watching it) and dvr-ed episodes of 'house'.

i have played an instrument from the age of 8 or so. i started out with piano, and took up the flute in 5th grade, for the sole purpose of playing 'yankee doodle' in a parade. i played both until 8th grade, when i dropped piano and stuck with flute until high school graduation. my flute is currently stashed away in closet. our piano is still played by my mom. unfortunately, the one song i had re-taught myself after forgetting how to play, i've now forgotten. it was 'fur elise'. cliche.

i wish i hadn't stopped playing the piano. and though i never did play 'yankee doodle' in a parade, i don't really worry about this dream being fulfilled.

today when i was walking franklin, a parking enforcement guy was ticketing someone on my street. he stopped and looked at franklin, and asked if he had one eye. yes, i said, and i explained frankie's history. he began to tell me about how he loves dogs, about his four dogs. we talked about franklin and about how we could always want more dogs, then he got in his car and drove away.

in college, a roommate of mine and her boyfriend got into a fight about whether or not meter maids (and men) were vindictive by nature. i never knew the outcome of their argument, but after talking to that guy today, i am firmly landing on the side of "no, they are not".

my point? i'm not sure if i really have one. maybe it's not that, in the illustrious words of one g. house, "everybody lies", but rather that everyone isn't what they seem.

everyone is dealing with something that you don't know about. i'm learning to not expect to know how anyone would react.** which is why i'm asking absolutely everyone for money. because, the truth is, you just never know.

you just never know who is going to say, "you know what, i don't have time for this, i don't care about your walk." you just never know who is going to say, "you know what, my grandmother/mom/sister/aunt/friend/lover died last year from breast cancer. thank you." you just never know who is going to say, "you know what? i'm in remission!" and until you know, it can't hurt to be polite, friendly, caring and passionate about what you're doing. and it's with this philosophy that i stuck up a neon green poster in our building's laundry room with a ton of tabs for people to take and tabs i will continue to replace until september, because you know what, you just never know.


**case in point: i texted my friend in new york: "i'm alone on a friday night watching drumline." response: "hey, we were watching that too, in a bar!" you just never know.



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Day Four- 1/30/09- pings: 1

Thursday, January 29, 2009

hot and cold

not much to say at the moment. work involved lots of downtown streets, the drive home was awful (2 hr commute? seriously, people, learn how to drive). i wish gas was still $5/gallon, because it meant less people on the road.

my throat has felt like sandpaper all day and i just want to sleep. it's been a long day. but, and i swear that i'm not saying this for a *sob* moment, i keep reminding myself that plenty of people have it worse than me. and "plenty of people" are why i'm doing this walk.

i'm doing okay. i've got nyquil and tea and fresh water for my throat. what about those with sandpaper throats from being in the sterile, dry hospital air all day...all night. all week. all month. all year. stress and tiredness. it's always a long day. i get to go to sleep in my own bed tonight. i'm doing okay.

and in lieu of kristy's comment this morning, i'm focusing on the positive. like, hey, i've lost over 8 pounds in the past 3 weeks. and i got 3 donations today. and my biggest one yet (thanks dad!). and i have lots of new eco felt to play with. (the "felt" is 100% made from post-consumer recycled plastic bottles... i put felt in quotes, because then, technically, it's not felt, right? since felt is wool? i digress. but fear not, eco crafts will soon arise...perhaps of the breasterly sort.)

and i'm ready to hang some benji franklin posters in our building's laundry room, and i've made little tear-off tabs with my relevant donation info on them so people can take one home with them. i just hope they get snatched up as quickly as the ones for free recliners or piano lessons do.

so i guess, even with the sandpaper, it's been a good day.

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Day Three- 1/29/09- pings: 3

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

benjamin franklin did not have breast cancer

benjamin franklin did not have breast cancer.
-picture of a $100 bill-
but he can help people who do.

...was the idea that occurred to me this morning. so i made two posters, one for work and one for my apartment building.

i posted the one at work, and nobody noticed. so it looks like the next few months will involve cubicle visits.

it was a continuation of the tone that set the day. i stumbled upon an online "book" of tips for walking, training and fundraising for a breast cancer walk. in it, for fundraising tips, the guy says that he set his goal at $10,000 (??!?!?) and raised it in a matter of weeks because he just asked all his high ranking friends for $100 or more. his silly wife, on the other hand, idiotically decided to try and raise it by asking lots of people for small amounts of money. oh, women! you know how they are.

it made me mad. mostly because the "asking lots of people for small amounts of money" was my plan, too. i guess i was more hurt, than mad?

ugh. wonderful. it's day two and i'm already disillusioned. i'm already telling myself that i can't do it. i'm shooting myself in the foot before i've even started to fill out the paperwork to buy a gun.

and the pings stopped coming.

though the chorus of "it's day 2. don't worry!" remained strong. but i DO worry. because i'm not good at following through. and i'm really trying to change that. and i'm really, legitimately worried. and if i text you saying "i'm freaking out, i don't think i can raise this money", i promise you that i'm not trying to get you to donate right that moment. consider it... emotional belching.

at any rate, i did the math this morning.

Goal - $2500
To Be Earned - $2270
Need - $10 per day or $324 per month
Time to raise it - 226 days

i want one ping a day. the thoughts came: what if i never get any donations at all? what if i have to quit? what if i...? what if?

and then i got one. i was busy and didn't even really process it. but then i realized: i'm at $250 now. 10%. in 2 days. i decided to keep a tally of pings at the end of each day. because, maybe it WILL all be okay.

---

and on a separate, but slightly related note, i just saw 'the wrestler'. i don't know that i've seen mickey rourke in much, or in anything at all. but i was struck by his genuineness, his realness, his charm, his relatability. it was a successful movie because of this.

so i'm going to try it.

i was scared when i saw my aunt during chemo. i was not rejoicing. i was not celebrating. i was scared, and nervous, and confused. sallow skin. tired, sunken eyes. tired, but not defeated. it made me nervous. anything medical related does. it was all so fragile... i didn't want to touch. any of it. i was scared because it said to me, for perhaps the first time, people can die. and people will die.

i don't like thinking about death. and i don't like hospitals or any places in which death occurs. i got the chills driving home on the 10 east today after 2 people were killed on it this morning. i stared at the pictures from the early morning accident for a long time. i said a prayer. and then i stared some more. it can't be real, i thought. even though i sat in that traffic, it still wasn't real. but driving home tonight, seeing various marks on the barriers, pieces of plastic on the road, neither of which i was certain came from the accident, seeing that made it real. seeing it said to me, people can die. and people will die.

maybe this is why i'm obsessed with the concept of the apocalypse. because everyone will die at once. everyone will be gone *ZIP* in a flash. no time for a last kiss or hug, no time to say "I LOOOVE YOU!!!" to the man/woman/animal you should have married, no time for anything. and maybe that's what i like about the idea of an apocalypse. because it happens so fast you don't even know it. and you never have to comprehend that you are dying, everything around you is dying and everything you ever loved is dying. before you can even blink it's all gone. it isn't real.

even though it is. and car accidents are inevitable, i think, as people are generally horrible, idoitic drivers. and the apocalypse, too, is inevitable (whether it be for your biblical reasons, 2012 reasons, nostradamus reasons).

but dying from cancer is NOT inevitable. dying from cancer does NOT have to happen. getting cancer does NOT have to happen. the sallow skin, the sunken eyes, the pain, the tiredness, the doctors, the drugs, the radiation, the struggle, the fight... they do NOT have to happen.

we LET it happen. we LET it.

it's time to fucking fight back.

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Day One- 1/27/09- pings: 6
Day Two- 1/28/09- pings: 1

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

beginnings

it's january 27th. i signed up to walk in the seattle breast cancer 3-day walk late last night. i'd been talking about it with my mom for a few weeks, and had mentally started a list of things i could do to raise the $2300 required to participate.

almost immediately after signing up, i upped my goal to $2500. and proceeded to solicit 180 of my facebook friends for donations. i sent out emails to others. i'm prepping letters to send to still more.

and then i waited. my mind tossed around ideas. "boob tshirts? good? bad? tasteful?" "felt boob pins? good? bad? tasteful?" "is it wrong that i just want to make crafts involving breasts? they're just so easy to cut out and draw!" "is 'boob crafting' its own genre?" i'm certain there were more. i'm certain they involved breasts. and then i went to bed.

when i woke up, there was an email. "a donation was made on your behalf." for $50. i'd only been asking for $20. lots of smaller donations from lots more people. you know, obama style. it worked for him, and then some.

i rubbed my eyes. i processed what "a donation was made on your behalf" REALLY meant. it meant that this was really happening. that this is really happening, and it is happening right now.

after that initial donation came another. and another. and throughout the day, my phone would "ping" and there in my email account: "a donation was made on your behalf."

and here it it, not even 9 pm on january 27th. not even a full day has passed, and i have already received 6 donations, totalling $230.

when i started to read about this event, one comment that stood out to me was "you'll be surprised by who donates... and by who doesn't. and you'll be surprised by who donates what." but i'm surprised by something else.

for as much as people lambaste facebook for being a cesspool of meaningless "friends", it's not true. or at least, not entirely. facebook let me reconnect with people i knew years ago, had a class with, or hadn't spoken to in awhile. it let me say "hey, i know i haven't spoken to you in ages, but i'm doing this really important event, and i need help. can you help me?" and it let them say "yes". and it will let me ask others again, further down the line.

still, midway through the day today, i did panic. i did think "what did i get myself into? $2300?? $2500?? can i DO that?" and i came home, and i asked adam, and he said, "yes, yes you can. it's day one. you're almost 10% there."

it took awhile to convince myself that this was true, to get that silly, worried pit out of my stomach. to remember how excited i was when i was first brainstorming, to remember how excited i was at that first "ping".

so we'll see. one day at a time, right?

i have until september 11. and between now and then, i'm going to raise $2500. i'm going to train myself to walk 60 miles. i'm going to reflect on what this walk means to me. i'm going to try and do it seriously. and i'm going to try and do it with a sense of humor. and i'm going to do it all on here.

The Letter (Round 1)

My original plea/explanatory letter...ugly HTML codes and all.
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This September, I will be walking in the Seattle Breast Cancer 3-Day event. Over the course of a weekend, I will walk 60 miles alongside my mom, who lost her sister to breast cancer about 10 years ago. It’s January. So why am I telling you about this now?

I have to raise $2300 in donations to participate in this walk. I want to raise $2500. At least. It seems like a lot, but compared to what breast cancer fighters go through, it's nothing.

I’ve seen cancer in many forms, from my Aunt Patti, who fought hard and exceeded her doctors' life expectancy by years. I’ve seen the mothers of some of my best friends stare it down, right in the eye, and beat it. I’ve seen an 11-year-old child, my friend and former nanny charge, get hit with leukemia in 2006, only to put on her gloves and send it into remission, where it has stayed.

But perhaps most importantly, I know I’m not the only one who has seen things. I know I'm not the only one who knows someone. I know I'm not the only one who has gotten that call about a loved one, read that email that stops their heart. I know that other people have lost their mothers, their sisters, their daughters, their aunts, their nieces, their lovers, their friends. I know that their families have been pulled apart in so many directions, that just the thought of holding on, holding it together for one more day seems impossible. I know that I am a lucky one. But I also know that it can’t last.

This year more than 200,000 women and men will be diagnosed with breast cancer and more than 40,000 will lose their life to the disease.

40,000 people will die from breast cancer this year. Imagine everyone you know losing someone they love, and then double that. Triple that. Quadruple that. 40,000 people.

200,000 people will be diagnosed with breast cancer this year. If you don’t know someone who already has been, chances are you will. It doesn’t matter what age, race, gender, class, location, sexual orientation, political belief, religion… it doesn’t matter. 200,000 people from all walks of life will be diagnosed with breast cancer this year. And 40,000 will not survive.

So what can you do? Walking for 60 miles isn’t going to cure cancer. Raising $2300, $2500, $5000 isn’t going to cure cancer.

But it will help.

Net proceeds from the Breast Cancer 3-Days benefit Susan G. Komen for the Cure to fund breast cancer research, education, screening and treatment programs, as well as the National Philanthropic Trust Breast Cancer Fund, to provide a permanent endowment for breast cancer initiatives.

What do I need? I need 125 people to donate $20. That’s it.

$20.

200,000 diagnoses. 40,000 lost.

How many lives can you save?

Please consider supporting me.

There are many battles going on… let’s focus on the war.

Love,
Lauren

PS- If you would like to donate, please visit: http://www.the3day.org/site/TR/Events/General?fr_id=1170&pg=pfind and search for my name. I'm walking with Team PK (Patti Kay, my aunt). You can donate online, over the phone, or by mail. Just email me with any questions. Thank you!