just start.

hi, could i get an earl grey tea?

-sure, what size? and do you want one tea bag or two?

(rifling through my purse, looking for my wallet, realizing that as someone who worked at a starbucks in college, i should know the answer to the question i'm about to ask) um, does that change the price?

-is your name lauren?

i look up. i recognize him immediately. mario! my old work buddy from starbucks! we hug, we catch up. he moved from the 'sc starbucks to the one in hollywood, better tips, he says. i realize i didn't tip. i usually do. i should know better.

mario, jorge and i were buds during the months of my starbucks employment. we usually wound up closing together, and would hang out long after our shifts ended talking. both went to csula, both were very funny, sweet, smart. good people. then i quit starbucks to go home for summer break, and studied in italy, and then i came back but very rarely saw them, or the starbucks.

jorge is having a kid, he tells me. my eyes widen. wait! that's not what i meant to tell you, i meant to tell you he is becoming a cop. AND he's in law school. well done, jorge, i say. jorge, mario and i would often talk about inconsistencies in america's educational system, and one of jorge's dream was to start a foundation, the name escapes me now- something like "education without limitations", something like that, anyway, a foundation that would help encourage people in poverty to pursue higher education, and to financially support them. i always thought it sound like a great idea, and i guess he's still hoping to do it. mario is still at csula, almost graduated, studying anthropology and wants to get his ph d.

do i miss usc? did i like usc? he asks. yes, and no. i liked being in school, but the general "my father has a dealership" attitude i could do without.

i do miss being in school, actually, i say. i really miss being in school. everyone around me is going back to school, and i'm not. why not? he asks. well, i wouldn't know what to go for. i don't have anything that i want to study, i've never really known what it is i want to "do". so what's the point? i've thought about taking some classes at smc, because it's close to work, they have a lot to offer, and it's a reputable place.

just go, he says, just go. who cares if you don't know what you want to study. just take a class, and if you don't like it, stop going. just start.

he's so right. for too long i've not done anything about my situation, because i don't know how i want my situation to be. but knowledge and change can't be gained by sitting and humming and huh-ing, and thinking, boy it'd sure be nice if i knew what it is i want to do. the point is to just try different things until you find something that you think you might like to do for now.
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i did my first "training walk" today. adam, franklin and i went two miles, and then played in the park that was our one mile marker. we climbed a tree. it felt really good, walking. i felt really happy. walking is something i would like to do for now.
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i also got three big donations today, and am now at $1300. i still can't quite believe this. i've had some incredible people with incredible stories donate, and i just feel honored.
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i've learned a lot today. i'm learning a lot about myself, doing this. i honestly didn't think that i would. what i thought i would (or would not) learn, i'm not sure.

but i'm glad i did this. i'm glad i decided to just go, to just start.

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Day Seventeen- 2/12/09- pings: 3