the bigger picture

the bigger picture is that music doesn't matter. at least, not for this.

the bigger picture is why i'm walking, why we're walking. the bigger picture can sometimes be lost amongst the little things.

i bounced around on the message boards today, and found out that you can use mini speakers around your neck on the walk, since you aren't allowed to have headphones.

for a split second, i thought "yes!" and then i stopped. how selfish am i? how wrong am i? i'm worried about not listening to music for 3 days? i'm worried about getting bored, uninspired, when i'm surrounded by thousands of strong people, thousands of survivors, fighters, memories, supporters? how mistaken am i.

when adam found a mole on my shoulder, a mole that hurt like a bruise, a mole that had never been there before...a mole that the dermatologist biopsied after a single glance, and upon receiving the results, called me back and said i needed to come in immediately, instantly, to have it completely removed and stitched up...that it was pre-cancerous...that we caught it in time...and as i was in "surgery" went out to the lobby to thank adam for saving my life...was i worried about not being able to listen to music for three days?

no. i was worried about lots of things, pain, cost, health, and how stupid i was to have skimped on sunscreen my whole life. but what i wasn't worried about was my ipod. my mole and the scar i bear from it denote my brush with cancer. there are so many more people who have been swept away by cancer. and i am complaining about not being able to listen to music.

i could've deleted the last entry. i could've justified it. but i really, really want this blog to show the ups and downs, the honesty, of someone doing this walk for the first time. i'm not trying to be self-righteous, i'm just trying to be honest.

and while i'm glad that on the walk i can indeed listen to music, or make my way through the harry potter books, i think that maybe instead i'll be listening to the people around me.

because that's what i'm there for.

honest.

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Day Six- 2/1/09- pings: 1