$2300

i have reached $2300 in donations!

this number is incredibly important --perhaps more so than any other-- because you must raise $2300 to participate in the walk. in 38 days, i raised $2300. that's $60 a day, on average. *pumps fists like a boxing champ*

at the back of mind, the $2300 was always lingering, like something on your to do list that you've been avoiding, and now that i'm there, i know i'm okay. i also know my initial goal of $2500 is nearby.

when i received the $150 donation that put me over the top, from one of the lawyers in our suite, i didn't even really process it. i was sick with a cold (which is now a sinus infection) and was in the office to mail some things out, and then going back home to sleep.

so i got the check, and calculated the total from my current raised amount online, plus the check donation from the day before, and this check now. $2312. 'hmm, that's nice,' i thought, in my medicated cloud. then the numbers slapped across my brain, like fat, inky characters smacking onto a typewritten page. TWO. THREE. ONE. TWO. my brain fired meanings back and forth about what those numbers mean.

it meant that i'm "allowed" to do this walk. it meant that my mom and i have both reached the participation amount.

it meant that this is real. that i'm really doing this. it meant that i'm proud of myself. it meant that i'm being supported by more people than i ever thought i would have backing me.

it meant that i'm walking for all of those names that are going to be printed on the back of my walk t-shirt. it meant that on my shoulders, on my back, i am really going to be walking in honor, memory and in support of many brave men and women who soldiered through.

have there been people dealing with breast cancer who haven't been brave? who didn't fight? who just gave in?

probably. sure.

but from all of the people who have donated, and all of the people who have given me a name to wear on the back of my shirt, not one of them has passed along a name to me with anything less than pride for that person. proud of that name, proud of what that name went through, proud that they know that person is more than just a name. more than just a statistic. more than just a number.

and that's what is astounding to me. that in this quest for "numbers", for $2300, for $3000, for the statistics that i'm learning about, for the miles i'll be walking, for the days i'll be training, amongst all these numbers emerges something much more profound. something much more human. from these numbers emerge letters.

single letters that swirl together, spin and twist, to form letters of encouragement, of love, of support, of high fives, of hugs, of congratulations, of well wishes. and behind them, in memories, the letters shared with loved ones fighting cancers. the letters shared through emails with status updates and thank you's. the letters shared written through tears of joy, and tears of despair. letters written on prayer cards, message boards, get well banners.

letters that show why i'm walking this walk, why i'm raising this money. letters that show why along the walk route, there will be supporters and cheering-on-ers to keep you going when you're not sure that you can.

letters that show that cancer, while a fact of life for more and more people, isn't an end to a life.

and with these letters on my back, taking the form of names, and with the letters on my chest, forming the name of my aunt, i will walk as proudly as the people who have been donating.

as these numbers turn into letters, the letters turn into sentences, the sentences turn into paragraphs, the paragraphs turn into tools that can make change. to help create better, stronger treatments. to encourage proper prevention and testing. to share with communities what breast cancer can do, and what we can do about breast cancer.

to create a community for change, for support, and for hope, from numbers and from letters, and from people who care.

thank you.

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Day Thirty Eight- 3/5/09- pings: 1

THE BIG 2000 and start/stop

once you stop, it's hard to start again. the togetherness of my last post ("hey, i'm actually posting today's entry today!") flew out the window faster than... faster than... faster than something that flies out a window real fast.

alas, i have been taking notes on donations, ideas, thoughts for the past week+ that i've been m.i.a. from this blog. i just have not been inputting them into this blog.

but i felt a catchup (ketchup?) post was in order since i have... drumroll puh-lease... reached over $2000!!!

this actually happened yesterday, but again, see paragraph one and two.

so YAY!!!! i'm over $2000! and today i received another $100 donation at work, which brings my grand total to $2162.

i can't believe i'm less than $150 away from $2300. (and $2300 is the magic number: it's how much you must raise in order to participate in the walk.)

adam and i have been doing walks through the hills of griffith park and it's been a lot of fun. i love taking franklin and watching him explore, see horses (and have his mind blown), and it's challenging-- we push ourselves to go further each walk. but the one thing that i don't know how to deal with is the migraine that ensues after the walk.

is this normal? i don't get them when we do walks on the level streets, just when we're "hiking". it's a horrible migraine and i can sense it coming on even before we've finished the walk. i've tried drinking lots and lots of water during the walk, which did nothing, and i've tried drinking lots of electrolyte gatorade-y type water, which did nothing. i really don't know what to do about this, or what it means.

at any rate, i'll try to plug in some back entries later this week, but i just want to say THANK YOU!! to everyone who has donated thus far. i seriously cannot believe how much i've raised in the little time i've been at this. it gives me immense reassurance about getting to $2300, a big sigh of relief for getting to $3000, and i really hope to hit $3000 this month. i've decided that instead of leaping forward in increments of $1000, i'll drop it down to $500. so if i reach $3000 by april, i'll up my goal to $3500.

at least i've never stopped fundraising. and i've only had 3 days of not getting a donation.

tomorrow, i think it will be donut day at work. i want to bring in some donuts and stick little toothpicks in them, upon which i've strategically placed donation cards.

mwa.

mwaha.

mwahaha.

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Day Thirty Seven- 3/4/09- pings: 1

animal style

wow! look at me! i'm actually writing today's entry... today! (far too often i'm writing them in batches. you can usually tell if the date stamp is 11:59. :oD)

lots of highlights today... i finally made it to $1500!!!!!!!!!!!! and beyond. i'm halfway there. halfway. in less than a month. now... to up my goal to $4000? i haven't tapped facebook or my office out yet. and not a day without a ping.

my sister also just got accepted to grad school at lewis and clark! yay for her!

in conclusion, i also seriously want some animal style french fries from in-n-out right now. like, crazy bad. it all started after i saw "in & out smog check" on my way home yesterday and started thinking about in-n-out... and never really stopped.

...homer drool...


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Day Twenty Five- 2/20/09- pings: 1

harder

it's getting harder to write daily. is it really worth it?

i've been trying really hard to maintain a positive attitude about different things. whenever i am feeling grouchy or in a sour mood, i just sort of gentle cajole myself into thinking it's not that bad (because, of course, it isn't) and it's actually starting to work.

it used to be that whenever i'd wake up on the wrong side of the bed, i'd stay on that side for hours, days. now it's maybe a few hours.

so i guess, yes, it's worth it.

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Day Twenty Four- 2/19/09- pings: 1

lurtle?

another donation today!

...and a puppy who has completely destroyed that weird lion/turtle toy from a few days ago. i just might try to reassemble it from the shreds of fabric and fluff, because, seriously, this thing is hilariously monstrous.

it's like something that was on the drawing board for that scene in napoleon dynamite before they came up with "liger".

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Day Twenty Three- 2/18/09- pings: 1

old and new

i'm delighted, impressed, amazed and encouraged.

that within minutes of me posting today's daily plea on facebook for a donation, i receive one from an old high school friend.

i've had 33 people donate so far. how great is that?! 33 different, unique people that i've been able to share this journey with, been able to feel supported by.

i've got friends all over the country, all over the world. and it just makes me happy to see how many, close or not, old or new, are standing up to say "hey! i will help you!"

thank you.

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Day Twenty Two- 2/17/09- pings: 1

3 weeks in

so it's been 21 days since i started fundraising.

today my mom said she would like to raise all her money in the first month. that thought hadn't really occurred to me, but now that at offically at three weeks, it's occurring.

so far, i'm at $1397.70. less than a thousand dollars to raise, just to participate.

even if i don't raise it in a month, i really just want to continue on with the emphasis on getting a donation a day, which i've so far done quite successfully.

i still have lots of pledged donations (as in, i haven't gotten them yet) so hopefully those will be rolling in soon enough.

as it stands now, 2009 is proving to be a very change-filled year. perhaps inspired by the changing of the guard, but there are so many changes being made right now, and i'm hoping that they're permanent. there's never a better time to change than right this second, and i'm really focusing on fixing all of the things that i've let lapse over the past XX years. i've very rarely had a set-in-stone goal to work toward, like this walk, and i find that the dedication i'm giving to this walk and to my diet are influencing and encouraging me in other aspects of my life. i cannot wait to see how the rest of this year pans out.

one thing i won't change? the swooning over 'house'. back to t.v.!

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Day Twenty One- 2/16/09- pings: 1