24 weeks

from an email i received over the weekend...

Countdown: 24 Weeks

Your Training Schedule for This Week:

Monday	Rest
Tuesday	3 miles	Easy walking
Wednesday	Rest
Thursday	3 miles	Moderate walking
Friday	30 minutes	Easy cross-training
Saturday	3 miles	Easy walking
Sunday	3 miles	Easy walking

24 weeks away?! this is insanity. for some reason, to me, you might as well be saying 'tomorrow'. maybe it's because i turn 26 in exactly one week and that feels like 30. not that there's anything wrong with 30. or 40. or 50. i'm just... like, really, shouldn't i have accomplished SOMETHING by 30?

what's that? i've got 4 more years to go? yeah. i guess if you can get a bachelor's degree in 4 years, i could try to do something in the next four years.

i'm looking forward to training. i am. i'm looking forward to having an "excuse", a reason to exercise. i'm looking forward to seeing how it changes me, inside and out.

although the multi-milers each night are sort of daunting. not because of the exertion required, but because it takes up time, and because i don't want to walk around after dark. and the "treadmill" in our apartment building's "gym" sucks. it's like the first treadmill ever made. you can make one yourself, if you'd like. just take some trash cans and lay them on their sides and then wrap garbage bags around them, forming the tread. tape a red piece of paper on your shirt for the "emergency stop" clip, and you'll have about as advanced a treadmill as our building does. and i wouldn't mind it, sincerely, if it didn't make you feel like you just got off 16 foot high roller skates when you stopped.

fundraising funds are continuing to trickle in. i'm at $2747.70. so close. SO close. i'll get there.

i just searched on the 3 day's website for training walks near me, and there is one. that sort of rocked my world a lil' bit. because so far i've just been walking with adam, franklin or alone. i haven't really thought about what it would be like to walk with OTHER people. would i have the endurance to not make a fool out of myself? how will i stack up? an intriguing question. i would say, "i'm slow because i'm almost 30!", but everyone i know who is 30 or almost 30 or 40 or 50 is waaaaay more fit than me. hell, everyone i know who is under 26 is waaaay more fit than me. what can i say. my butt likes sitting.

i guess that's enough updating for now, as it's probably of nobody's interest. i'm making progress in many of my crafty endeavors and am really wanting to sign up for reform school's home ec classes to learn how to sew. it's sort of like a hipstery club where you make (ironic?) things like flower looms and knit cacti. but still, i don't know how to thread my damn sewing machine, so hipsters or not, reform school can teach me!

that, and i'm terrified of the monster earthquake hitting los angeles sometime in the immediate future. yeah, it pretty much consumes my every waking, and sleeping thought, and is probably the reason my hands, arms and behind my ears are covered in an itchy rash. (unless it's not, and you know it's not, and you can diagnose me?!)

although as far as my "sleeping thought" goes, i did have a really, really awesome dream about eating a sandwich. (see the tag for this post...)

man. that ruled.

i just got lost

yeah.

that's right.

i am totally quoting coldplay in my subject line.

i am in THAT kind of a mood.

aside from the fact that i'm completely losing my short term memory, can't pronounce many words correctly anymore, and can neither follow along with what i'm typing and the order in which words should appear, life is peachy.

well, sort of moldy peachy.

no donations, nada. i even put up a fake tiny url on facebook to mislead people into going to my 3-day homepage. and nothing! (side note: i can track how many people click the link. so far we're at around 11 with no donations.)

really, i'm going to stop writing because i have absolutely nothing productive to say and am just in a bad mood. and i spilled my dinner on the floor and time warner cable likes to record black screens instead of the simpsons.

on the upside, i'm liking 'big love'.

i will probably delete this tomorrow.

closer than ever

writing in this blog has fallen to the wayside as other things (not necessarily more important things) push through.

as part of my "2009 is the year that i'm actually going to change and get myself sorted out" plan, i'm not stressing about it, and i probably won't make up the entries.

it's been slow, donation wise, but i'm getting there. yesterday was a big donation day that pushed me over $2500, which was the first fundraising goal that i'd set when i'd signed up for the walk. and it came, relatively easily, and much quicker than i thought it would. my mom and i are basically on par with one another in terms of fundraising: we're both at around $2500+. so far we've raised over $5000 for breast cancer research, treatment and awareness programs. in a matter of months.

one thing that i've been thinking about recently is the statistic that 1 in 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime. honestly, i've been (curiously and morbidly) sort of wanting to count the number of women in my facebook friends list, just because i absolutely cannot wrap my mind around that fact, and about how many wonderful women i know who will be diagnosed with breast cancer, but i think that would just be extremely depressing. i don't like that i will know a bunch of women with breast cancer in the future. i don't like that it could be me. i don't like that sick, disgusting figure. 1 in 8. how horrific is that? how many women work in your office? live on your street? are sitting in the coffee house when you get a drink?

ONE IN EIGHT.

that's 1 in 8 mothers being diagnosed with breast cancer. 1 in 8 grandmothers being diagnosed with breast cancer. 1 in 8 sisters being diagnosed with breast cancer. 1 in 8 aunts being diagnosed with breast cancer. 1 in 8 cousins being diagnosed with breast cancer. 1 in 8 best friends being diagnosed with breast cancer. 1 in 8 wives being diagnosed with breast cancer. 1 in 8 lovers being diagnosed with breast cancer.

1 IN 8 WOMEN BEING DIAGNOSED WITH BREAST CANCER.

what's more depressing is imagining all of the women that i'm friends with, and imagining them (or me) getting their diagnosis, the fear, the worry, the wondering. the vibrancy and vivaciousness with which they've been living their life is put on hold as they are slapped across the face with one of the most sobering reality checks: you have cancer. i don't want this to happen to anyone, let alone the people that i care about, the people that i've known for years and years, who i've laughed with, cried with, been a teenager with, been an "adult" with. i, selfishly, do not want to get an email in a few years that lets me know of their cancer. i do not want my heart, and their and their family's hearts, to break like that.

which is why i'm really focusing on this walk now. by raising money to teach proper prevention and self-testing methods, i can help lower that statistic. maybe it becomes 1 in 10 in the next 5 years. and then 1 in 20. and then 1 in 100. and then 1 in 1000.

and suddenly, instead of being a dread disease, it will be a disease at which the doctor says, "alright, come in next week and we'll get you fixed up, and you'll be ready to go on living your life!"

1 in 8 is not forever. 1 in 8 is not unchangeable.

1 in 8 is something that YOU can do something about.

Because

Donate because you’ve had a mammogram

Donate because you haven’t

Donate because you felt a twinge, deep in your breast and you wondered… could it be?

Donate because you went to your doctor

Donate because you didn’t

Donate because you felt a lump

Donate because you haven’t

Donate because your doctor saw something

Donate because your doctor didn’t

Donate because you waited for the results, your stomach in knots, your skin in stitches

Donate because you got your results

Donate because you fought your results

Donate because you love your breasts

Donate because you love her breasts

Donate because you love his breasts

Donate because you lost someone

Donate because you didn’t

Donate because you don’t want to be one of the 200,000

Donate because you don’t want to be one of the 40,000

Donate because you can

Donate because others can’t.


This year, 200,000 people will be diagnosed with breast cancer. 40,000 will not survive.

Whatever your impetus, please donate today. I'm only $600 away from my goal of raising $3000 for the Seattle Breast Cancer 3-Day Walk. Please, donate.

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Day Forty Seven- 3/14/09- pings: 2

$2300

i have reached $2300 in donations!

this number is incredibly important --perhaps more so than any other-- because you must raise $2300 to participate in the walk. in 38 days, i raised $2300. that's $60 a day, on average. *pumps fists like a boxing champ*

at the back of mind, the $2300 was always lingering, like something on your to do list that you've been avoiding, and now that i'm there, i know i'm okay. i also know my initial goal of $2500 is nearby.

when i received the $150 donation that put me over the top, from one of the lawyers in our suite, i didn't even really process it. i was sick with a cold (which is now a sinus infection) and was in the office to mail some things out, and then going back home to sleep.

so i got the check, and calculated the total from my current raised amount online, plus the check donation from the day before, and this check now. $2312. 'hmm, that's nice,' i thought, in my medicated cloud. then the numbers slapped across my brain, like fat, inky characters smacking onto a typewritten page. TWO. THREE. ONE. TWO. my brain fired meanings back and forth about what those numbers mean.

it meant that i'm "allowed" to do this walk. it meant that my mom and i have both reached the participation amount.

it meant that this is real. that i'm really doing this. it meant that i'm proud of myself. it meant that i'm being supported by more people than i ever thought i would have backing me.

it meant that i'm walking for all of those names that are going to be printed on the back of my walk t-shirt. it meant that on my shoulders, on my back, i am really going to be walking in honor, memory and in support of many brave men and women who soldiered through.

have there been people dealing with breast cancer who haven't been brave? who didn't fight? who just gave in?

probably. sure.

but from all of the people who have donated, and all of the people who have given me a name to wear on the back of my shirt, not one of them has passed along a name to me with anything less than pride for that person. proud of that name, proud of what that name went through, proud that they know that person is more than just a name. more than just a statistic. more than just a number.

and that's what is astounding to me. that in this quest for "numbers", for $2300, for $3000, for the statistics that i'm learning about, for the miles i'll be walking, for the days i'll be training, amongst all these numbers emerges something much more profound. something much more human. from these numbers emerge letters.

single letters that swirl together, spin and twist, to form letters of encouragement, of love, of support, of high fives, of hugs, of congratulations, of well wishes. and behind them, in memories, the letters shared with loved ones fighting cancers. the letters shared through emails with status updates and thank you's. the letters shared written through tears of joy, and tears of despair. letters written on prayer cards, message boards, get well banners.

letters that show why i'm walking this walk, why i'm raising this money. letters that show why along the walk route, there will be supporters and cheering-on-ers to keep you going when you're not sure that you can.

letters that show that cancer, while a fact of life for more and more people, isn't an end to a life.

and with these letters on my back, taking the form of names, and with the letters on my chest, forming the name of my aunt, i will walk as proudly as the people who have been donating.

as these numbers turn into letters, the letters turn into sentences, the sentences turn into paragraphs, the paragraphs turn into tools that can make change. to help create better, stronger treatments. to encourage proper prevention and testing. to share with communities what breast cancer can do, and what we can do about breast cancer.

to create a community for change, for support, and for hope, from numbers and from letters, and from people who care.

thank you.

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Day Thirty Eight- 3/5/09- pings: 1

THE BIG 2000 and start/stop

once you stop, it's hard to start again. the togetherness of my last post ("hey, i'm actually posting today's entry today!") flew out the window faster than... faster than... faster than something that flies out a window real fast.

alas, i have been taking notes on donations, ideas, thoughts for the past week+ that i've been m.i.a. from this blog. i just have not been inputting them into this blog.

but i felt a catchup (ketchup?) post was in order since i have... drumroll puh-lease... reached over $2000!!!

this actually happened yesterday, but again, see paragraph one and two.

so YAY!!!! i'm over $2000! and today i received another $100 donation at work, which brings my grand total to $2162.

i can't believe i'm less than $150 away from $2300. (and $2300 is the magic number: it's how much you must raise in order to participate in the walk.)

adam and i have been doing walks through the hills of griffith park and it's been a lot of fun. i love taking franklin and watching him explore, see horses (and have his mind blown), and it's challenging-- we push ourselves to go further each walk. but the one thing that i don't know how to deal with is the migraine that ensues after the walk.

is this normal? i don't get them when we do walks on the level streets, just when we're "hiking". it's a horrible migraine and i can sense it coming on even before we've finished the walk. i've tried drinking lots and lots of water during the walk, which did nothing, and i've tried drinking lots of electrolyte gatorade-y type water, which did nothing. i really don't know what to do about this, or what it means.

at any rate, i'll try to plug in some back entries later this week, but i just want to say THANK YOU!! to everyone who has donated thus far. i seriously cannot believe how much i've raised in the little time i've been at this. it gives me immense reassurance about getting to $2300, a big sigh of relief for getting to $3000, and i really hope to hit $3000 this month. i've decided that instead of leaping forward in increments of $1000, i'll drop it down to $500. so if i reach $3000 by april, i'll up my goal to $3500.

at least i've never stopped fundraising. and i've only had 3 days of not getting a donation.

tomorrow, i think it will be donut day at work. i want to bring in some donuts and stick little toothpicks in them, upon which i've strategically placed donation cards.

mwa.

mwaha.

mwahaha.

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Day Thirty Seven- 3/4/09- pings: 1